I sit on the toilet and pretend to tell someone about how awesome my life is when it isn't.

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watch old shows I used to watch when I was younger

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Randomly agree for the Terms of Service for just about everything on the internet. Then becoming very frightened at the thought that you have violated them in some way.

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Flexing your abs when you put on deodorant so you dont look fat

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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After reading some good posts here, I skipped to the last pages just to find out really sick people and stupid things.

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After a meal if I need to use a toothpick I would eat the piece of food I "picked".

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Sometimes I think ''Someone somewhere in the world just got slapped'' or ''Someone just took a nasty shit''.

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stare at the same gender for a long time and think 2 urself "am i gay?" and when they look at you, you tun ur eyes another way!

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Here's a fun game I play if I wake up in the middle of the night: I look over at the alarm clock and see what numbers are displayed. Then I shut my eyes tightly and wait a few seconds before opening them again. If I open my eyes and see that the numbers on the alarm clock have changed, I win. If I open my eyes and they didn't, I lose.

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Moisturize "down there" after a really drying wipe session.

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Have a dream that you can breath under water and wake up and be very disappointed

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When something says "I have read and agree to the terms of service" I quickly skim through it nd act like I read it.

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Before drinking the actual soft drink, I drink the fizz as fast as I can.

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I sometimes try to summon things with the force of my thoughts...I would be so useful...but no way, nothing ever moves.

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Drink half the water in a water bottle and then swish it around pretending to drown little people inside it.

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When you're the youngest child, you never quit feeling like a little kids, even in your 20s.

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I like wet humping better than f*cking. but sometimes it slips in anyway, and it's that's pretty enjoyable too. and mt girlfriend is cool with. ... so it's actualy pretty whatevs either way. but wet humping is my jam.

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when you mouth words (but saying them out loud) when someone can't hear you

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In a meeting at work, you imagine throwing coffee into your boss's face, just to see what he would do.

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I never read the terms and conditions but I say I have

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I can't help but wonder why people write things on web sites and don't bother checking their spelling. Now they look like an idiot no matter how funny or interesting it might have been.

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Your mom. Just kidding everyone does her.

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I look really handsome in my mirror, only to find myself looking weird in other mirrors, and like a total retard at photographies.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.