Sometimes I forget that there are spiders in my bedroom, so after I've seen one I can't sleep for several days for fear that they'll eat me if I do. Then I forget about them again and thus the cycle starts.

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I constantly get itches. On awkward parts of my body. In public places. And it's torture.

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When on a sidewalk I always try to make my last step on the block with my left foot.

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When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

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When realizing i'm being a little bitchy, I laugh and smile right after my sentence to make myself seem a little nicer.

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When I'm alone with my pet, sometimes we just sit down and stare at each each other for a minute or two

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I like to swallow great ammounts of water just to make the loud "clunk" sound in my throat.

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Imagine that other people can see what im doing, then try to act differently.

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Thinking you could be in a "Truman Show" style scenario and scanning areas of your house and possessions for tiny little cameras and microphones.

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Think about the same confusing random dilemas that dont involve me every week and alwaus come to the same conclusion

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I sometimes wonder if im a baby and my whole life is just a big dream

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When im standing at a urinal and another guy was there before me and i still finish first i pretend like im still peeing so he wont think i have a bladder problem.

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Have a dream about somebody being mean to me. Proceed to be mean to them in real life.

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If I am waiting on someone and they are late, I start mentally listing their faults, flaws and mistakes but feel kind of bad for doing it when they finally show up.

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when playing games like grand theft auto I drive normally like all the other people in the game when i'm bored

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Call the ninja turtles by their full names.

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text somebody something and if they don't reply quickly, resend that same text.

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In a meeting at work, you imagine throwing coffee into your boss's face, just to see what he would do.

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say "ow" when your character in a video game gets hurt

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If I'm walking across a road and a car stops to allow me to pass, I say 'Thank you' even though I know full well they cannot hear me.

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Feeling guilty for something you haven't done.

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Your mom. Just kidding everyone does her.

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when i use omegle u usually say im a girl, when a guy says how long is his thing, i say 'mine too' :D

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Sometimes I try to solve a math problem using my finger and my thigh, and when I make a mistake a erase it with my hand.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.