Made after doomsday plans

Before i go to sleep, i imagine all the things i would like to happen in the future, and hoping it comes true or ill dream of it

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Thinking that someone is seeing everything from your eyes while you are using the bathroom, and then quickly looking up to avoid embarassment.

After washing butt, turn my butt towards the shower and spread butt cheeks apart to wash the soap out of my crack.

Blast yur music in the car when you are alone but when someone pulls up next to you u turn it down so u don't make them think yur an ass

every single time a sad song comes on your ipod you imagine yourself in a movie, gloomily looking out a window or sitting alone on a bench.

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While going to sleep, you turn the pillow downside-up several times to find a cooler surface.

Check an insane amount of times to see if the door is locked, then finally get back to jerking off.

I am convinced that nobody had opened bacon or packets of ham with the flappy corner because it dosnt work!! So i get a knife and saw it out.

after a shower, try to shake the water off.

Whenever I send or receive texts, I always make it a point to have more received texts than sent ones. It makes me feel popular.

In britain,everytime i see a magpie i got to do this silly ritual and salute and say good morning mr magpie (depending on wat time of day it is) and make sure 2 ppl see it at the same time or something bad will happen.then someone will tell me another one i should do and i add it on! Its never ending.

When I'm cooking, I mumble everything I'm doing under my breath like I'm in a cooking show and I'm talking to the audience.

put an excessive amount of lead in your pencil

Singing alone in the car and then stopping, scared that there is an audio recorder in the car recording you singing.

When something you're sat on makes a noise that sounds like a FART. So you try and do the noise again, to make sure people are aware that the noise was the chair and not you!

Put ear buds in nose, open mouth, instant speaker. If you don't do it try it.

I always write b as d or d as b since I've learned the alphabet, and i hate my keyboarb cuz its on lower case every time.

Waking up @ 4 AM wondering where your pillow went

When I'm eating ice cream in a bowl I stir it until it becomes like ice cream soup.

Go up/down the stairs in 10 steps exactly. Talk to an imaginary girlfriend when I'm guilty of something, and she helps me out and holds me till I fall asleep.

Watch the same movies over and over

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.