Made after doomsday plans

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Before i go to sleep, i imagine all the things i would like to happen in the future, and hoping it comes true or ill dream of it

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Thinking that someone is seeing everything from your eyes while you are using the bathroom, and then quickly looking up to avoid embarassment.

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After washing butt, turn my butt towards the shower and spread butt cheeks apart to wash the soap out of my crack.

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Blast yur music in the car when you are alone but when someone pulls up next to you u turn it down so u don't make them think yur an ass

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every single time a sad song comes on your ipod you imagine yourself in a movie, gloomily looking out a window or sitting alone on a bench.

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While going to sleep, you turn the pillow downside-up several times to find a cooler surface.

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Check an insane amount of times to see if the door is locked, then finally get back to jerking off.

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I am convinced that nobody had opened bacon or packets of ham with the flappy corner because it dosnt work!! So i get a knife and saw it out.

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after a shower, try to shake the water off.

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Whenever I send or receive texts, I always make it a point to have more received texts than sent ones. It makes me feel popular.

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In britain,everytime i see a magpie i got to do this silly ritual and salute and say good morning mr magpie (depending on wat time of day it is) and make sure 2 ppl see it at the same time or something bad will happen.then someone will tell me another one i should do and i add it on! Its never ending.

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When I'm cooking, I mumble everything I'm doing under my breath like I'm in a cooking show and I'm talking to the audience.

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put an excessive amount of lead in your pencil

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Singing alone in the car and then stopping, scared that there is an audio recorder in the car recording you singing.

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When something you're sat on makes a noise that sounds like a FART. So you try and do the noise again, to make sure people are aware that the noise was the chair and not you!

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Put ear buds in nose, open mouth, instant speaker. If you don't do it try it.

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I always write b as d or d as b since I've learned the alphabet, and i hate my keyboarb cuz its on lower case every time.

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Waking up @ 4 AM wondering where your pillow went

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When I'm eating ice cream in a bowl I stir it until it becomes like ice cream soup.

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Go up/down the stairs in 10 steps exactly. Talk to an imaginary girlfriend when I'm guilty of something, and she helps me out and holds me till I fall asleep.

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Watch the same movies over and over

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.