setting your alarm early so that when you wake up you see you still have time to sleep and you're like YES!!!

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when I have to shred important documents I am still not satisfied that I even burn the shredded paper

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Waking up @ 4 AM wondering where your pillow went

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DAS RITE MODERFOCKER! NOWUN MESSIS WIF FIRLUPE!!' (throws wine in face)

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wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

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Sometimes I look at people and think, "They poop."

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I sometimes try to summon things with the force of my thoughts...I would be so useful...but no way, nothing ever moves.

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I sometimes see or think of words and pronounce them differently. ie. Garbage, gar-bah-ge ("ge" like a vibration sound), Target, tar-jhay

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Put toilet paper on the seat in my own house.

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turn off the alarm clock one minute before its goes off when you wake up in the morning

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I use two pillows as I sleep, but I don't put them under my head, I put my head in between them.

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When you're having a discussion or an argument with someone and you are about to say something important then you completely forget what you were going to say.

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I type out something I think is funny, then wonder if people will think I'm weird and erase it.

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After washing butt, turn my butt towards the shower and spread butt cheeks apart to wash the soap out of my crack.

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I rearrange books, movies, etc. in the correct alphabetical order in the fiction section of my public library, other people's houses, classrooms at school, etc. Sometimes this process takes a very long time.

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hug the pillow at night so it protects me from monsters

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Smelling your armpits to see if you smell and then disguising at as yawn/stretch

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When I aak someone out it takes me 3-6 attempts to get the words out

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Reach past the first two or three slices of bread to get the better, fresher bread towards the middle.

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I really like the day I was born even though there is nothing special about it like Dec 25 or May 20 (Christmas or Independence day)

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When making something I pretend I'm making a YouTube video of it and pretend I am getting lots of views

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slow down in front of automatic doors thinking they won't open and then rushing through when they do so you don't look stupid

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When you Sitting on the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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Take out all the marshmallows in a bowl of Lucky Charms, eat the "cat food" (the dry cereal that looks like dry kitty food!), then put the marshmallows back in the milk and eat them!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.