When an awkward situation arises, pull out my phone and aimlessly flip through the apps to pretend I'm busy doing something

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I sometimes see or think of words and pronounce them differently. ie. Garbage, gar-bah-ge ("ge" like a vibration sound), Target, tar-jhay

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get really embarrassed when i leave the book i read when i poop on the bathroom counter and someone uses the bathroom.

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bounce when your tip toeing.

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Drop something down the side of the couch, say that you'll get it in a minute and then forget about it

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Think about the things you could do with you had the power to stop the time.

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Wonder if anyone doesn't actually talk to themselves for some reason or another at some point in their life. (If so, how can talking to yourself be the first sign of madness? So many people do it...)

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Sometimes I kiss my hand and pretend it's a person I like.

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Download a new app, and say to myself I'll never stop playing it. Play it for 2 hours and forget about it.

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Smelling your armpits to see if you smell and then disguising at as yawn/stretch

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Bathroom occupied, piss in the kitchen sink.

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Sweep up the dirt into the dustpan and sweep the stuff you can't get under the cabinet.

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Say 'she's not here' when someone that I don't know calls and asks for me.

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You try to tell a joke to impress everyone and then you mess it up.

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After waking up from being extremely intoxicated the night before, i check my phone and ALL my accounts on the internet to make sure i didnt make an ass of myself.

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When you trip when your walking you try to play it off like you wanted to start running

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Find it impossible to get rid of the itch on the bottom of my feet or my palms when they're itchy

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I rearrange books, movies, etc. in the correct alphabetical order in the fiction section of my public library, other people's houses, classrooms at school, etc. Sometimes this process takes a very long time.

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Pretending you don't know that much about something because other people might think it would be wierd if you did. Ex: if you you knew someone's exact birthdate and you were discussing it with some one and you where like ya he looks a little older he's probably in his mid 40s or early 50s instead of just admitting you know there exact age.

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Being afraid to up-vote the embarrassing posts on this page for fear that it might somehow post onto my Facebook.

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Awkward moment... Pretend to send a text.

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when bored, i imagine my EXACT plan for the zombie apocalypse, down to what would look cool if i was walking down a desolate street ( i am legend style) :D

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Hold your breath when you go in bridge tunnels and compete against your friends to see who can last longer.

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I have an unhealthy obsession with and so always talk about Penge North Korea beige mauve and medium density fiberboard. This explains why I'm such a popular guy

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.