Fart when i'm alone RIGHT before someone walks in... try to talk over the smell...

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I try to accomplish things while waiting for the timer on the microwave can go off.

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When I wanted to sit on chair or anything, I'll wipe them first, in case there is something sticked on them

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When talking to someone you sometimes start with the middle of a story through the end, complete with random details that seem totally unrelated to them, and THEN you remember to tell the beginning (which is the part that actually relates to what they were talking about).

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Think about past screw ups, then cross my eyes thinking to myself "I'm such a F---ing retard."

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Only taking half a biscuit because it makes you feel bad and then taking another half of a different biscuit.

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use any nearby window's reflection you walk by to check on appearance.

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Leave the television on in my room when I go to bed, so I have some light and I can't hear all the creepy sounds that houses make.

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Everytime I get in my car at night, I turn the light on and check behind the back seats to see if there's anyone waiting for me. Then lock the doors when all is safe.

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Having cool food in your house and knowing your boyfriend is going to call you around 6 or so, so you start eating said awesome food at about 5:57. That way when your boyfriend asks what you're doing to can tell him you're eating _____ and he'll want to come over.

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FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAPFAP FAP ::TROLLFACE::

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Get annoyed when you are making a new account and it sends you bafk because of credit card or email address

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getting a random wedgie when everybody is looking at me

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Seeing a cartoon character eat something makes me hungry for it even though it may not taste good in real life and I know that.

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Think about awesome stuff that you could do (e.g beating up someone who steals your gf's purse or something) when listening to music

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I refuse to eat cherry starbursts because they taste like medicine.

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I really like taking shits.

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When you can't use your hand to push a door, kick it and say "THIS IS SPARTA!!!"

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Mix my coffee with the spoon upside down.

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I read your stuff at the interwebs and think "sons, I am disappoint" Moral: Lol, I just might be your father you know... But that does not mean you disappoint me anymore, I kinda expect your worst? Best? I mean... Are you doing your worst on purpose? WOW!

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I make it sound like i'm ordering for more than one person when I'm really only getting fast food for myself.

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I have a cat that drops on it's side when she sees me coming

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One time I went to my old primary school and while I was there I needed the toilet. So I go use the schools and was shocked at how small everything was I guess because I haven't been there in a while

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.