I ejaculate fire and glory

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run up the stairs when its night so that the monsters dont catch you

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hold my shirt with my chin when i'm peeing.

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I click that I have read the Terms of Service although I haven't read sheit

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Whenever I go to a new place, I look around and carefully plan my escape route in case of zombies.

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take 30 pictures and only find 1 where you dont look like shit

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Instead of having a nasty breaking up, I just disappear.

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When I'm peeing in the urinal, I aim to the side so it doesn't deflect back on me.

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Wait 2-3 seconds with anticipation whenever a baby falls for them to cry.

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Walking with your friend talking about everything then you and your friend walk by someone you don't know and it gets awkwardly quiet

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I very carefully smell what I'm about to eat before I eat it, but I'd most likely eat it, even if I hadn't smelled it first.

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Wonder what I would have said to my dad if I knew he was going to die

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Get distracted during fap dreams and thinking of your mom and then going OMG GROSS OH GOD IM A PERV!!

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When you are doing something (kind of weird) when you're alone and then stop because there might be a ghost watching.

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pleasure my self... because I didn't they automatically censored certain words

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avoid going in the handicap bathroom stall because you're afraid someone will see you cause it's so big

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Try to imagine every couple I see having sex.

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wondering if everyone else in the world can read your mind so you avoid thinking about specific things

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Opens new book to random page. Reads snippet. Smiles to myself when I reach it 1 week later. -epsin

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act like people from movies or shows just because my life is that boring

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Whenever I'm throwing trash down the garbage chute or into a dumpster, I all of the sudden am terrified that I accidentally threw out a valuable ring/my cell phone with the trash.

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during texting you set your phone in your lap right before a car is about to pass you so they dont see you texting and driving

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go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up

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Wear hoods and sweatshirts in the middle of summer

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.