Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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feel like im being watched turn my head sideways and see someone suddenly look away.

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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fap

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the time where you sit behind a person that smells like BO badly!!!

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Sitting down in the shower

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I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

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i masturbate with my feet

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Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

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WHEN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE ON MY PHONE..DON’T SWIPE LEFT.DON’T SWIPE RIGHT.JUST LOOK. Via: Collection of Love WhatsApp Status

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.