scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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I like to watch lava lamps heat up

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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While at the movies, grab and eat your popcorn with your tongue and pretend you are a lizard.

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dip my fries in ice cream! sometimes in soda. It's good!

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Make sudden movements in the mirror to try and catch out my reflection.

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When in shower, I turn the heat to max for a few minutes to warm up the whole bathroom.

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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You or someone you know has a secret crush/liking but the always shout it to the world. My sister does that.(It's why I ask)

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Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

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I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

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Listening to romantic hollywood sad core and feeling depressed because your single.

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Embarassingly repeatedly use of the word "bro" when irritated or excited.

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When you're out for a run, you pretend that someone is chasing after you so you run harder.

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.