When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

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Do somthing only you do

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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I spin around in a spot, and then close my eyes and tilt my head up and to the opposite side i'm spinning to. It just feels awesome and it's even better while listening to music.

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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After peeling an apple, I will put the apple in a zip-lock and hold it through the plastic so my hands won't get sticky while I eat it.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.