At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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Sitting on a toilet in a public bathroom and staying silent until everyone leaves, so you do not feel the embarrassment

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

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Try to time the traffic light so that when I snap, my light turns green. Always so so close.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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I always try to play it cool and act like it’s no big deal. But I always have a mini anxiety attack before actually stepping onto a moving escalator. It is a task trying to time my step perfectly where my foot isn’t hanging off a step and I have to hurry my second foot on there isn’t an awdward space of steps between my feet. -Ikka

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I hold my breath in elevators

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Listening to more obscure music in a public place and turning it up in hopes that someone will ask you what you're listening to and you can tell them about it/open their minds.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

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When I was little I used to cover myself all the way up and put pillows around me, then ask my sister if she could see me, trying to be invisible when I sleep just in case someone breaks into my house at night.

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

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Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

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When you lie in bed and imagine scenarios that will never happen.

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.