Learning a definition of a word and after that seeing it everywhere.

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After peeling an apple, I will put the apple in a zip-lock and hold it through the plastic so my hands won't get sticky while I eat it.

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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only read the short jokes on this website

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i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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make south park refferences every day

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.