expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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I never take drinks into smelly places, out of fear that the smell will somehow get into my drink and contaminate the taste.

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When it's as quiet as possible in the classroom in the middle of the period and everyone is silently doing their work.... I suddenly think of something REALLY funny and spend the next half hour awkwardly grinning trying my hardest not to burst out uncontrollably.

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Sometimes when you're at work and you're REALLY horny, you look around at the women you work with and think who you really would like to bone, then on another particular day when you aren't horny, you see the same women and think to yourself " I must have REALLY been horny. What was I thinking?" lol (not trying to be gross, but honestly, who doesn't get horny while at work sometimes)

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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Listening to romantic hollywood sad core and feeling depressed because your single.

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Sometimes, when I'm at work, I j3rk 0ff in the bathroom. Please tell me someone else has done this????

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At any time of day, when i'm not busy, someone you know pops into your head and you start talking to them telepathically, but not for long, then you realise that youre just plain crazy? anyone?

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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Use a signature that automatically gets me hundreds of red thumbs... Yeah that moral crap...

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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Think that the person driving keeps staring at me when ever they look in the mirror and I'm sat in the back.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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Think that my ice tastes different than my water.

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.