I randomly hold my boobs in my room.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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Tear up when I poop

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When I'm walking on pavement or tiles I always make patterns, e.g stepping on every second tile, stepping a certain amount of times on each bit of pavement

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Whenever someone enters a pin number I always try to see how many number I can remember

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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Use a signature that automatically gets me hundreds of red thumbs... Yeah that moral crap...

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Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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Imagine flying things and epic battles when listening to music.

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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Learning a definition of a word and after that seeing it everywhere.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.