When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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I pee on the bathroom sink everytime, because I am lazy to open the toilet, even when I visit other people, sorry friends and family =)

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.