Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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Go to bed with my left nostril clogged, wake up with my right nostril clogged.

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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When I use the bathroom at school, I keep the door open with the kickstand and use the stall. It's because I fear that one day, when I'm all alone in the bathroom with the door closed, the fire alarm will go off and scare the living crap out of me. This trick backfires when someone comes in without closing the door and uses the urinal.

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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I mean Diana Ross.

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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Multi task while your brushing your teeth and forget you have a tooth brush in your mouth.

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You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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When the vacuum cleaner's going, I try to stay as far away from it and block the noise by shutting doors.

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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My bedroom is at the end of the house, so when I turn the light out and sprint to the lounge room, thinking Jeff the Killer could get me...

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.