When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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I hate being called "buddy".

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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Refreshing captcha codes for five minutes straight until you find reasonably legible letters.

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get really freaked out when your in a parking lot and the car next to you starts backing up and you think your moving forward.

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Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

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I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.