How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Being in the car and wondering if your parents can read your mind so you think "If you can here me cough in 3, 2, 1..." Sometimes my dad actually does it and he looks back at me and smiles. .-.

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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I'm not bad looking and I don't fall into the beautiful category either but I really feel good about the way I look

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It takes me a whole afternoon to write an important/professional email cause i keep thinking about what I should and should not write and it gets so stupidly difficult I take one hour breaks between every sentence.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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Emmy Jackson Y U ALWAYS ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE SAY HI

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Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

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If i read or see something good (on tv )the next time i daydream i am always some how involved in it

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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I think Frozen is an overrated film

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Use the toilet shower to wipe your a**, but denies the fact until death for your friends.

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When I'm watching a video on YouTube, I repeatedly click on the video slider section below the video because I feel uncomfortable not doing it, ever since I realized that you can't move to different parts of the video with your keyboard without clicking there first.

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I hid money in a jar behind a brick in the house I lived in and forgot about it. I've since moved to another state but I didn't remember I left the cash behind until years later.

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If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.