When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

Play my music so low in public that I can hardly hear it in my headphones for fear of others being able to hear what I'm listening to.

Love feet. like LOVE feet.

Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

try to give your friends spirit animals

I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

Love to check my astrological compatibility with my favorite musicians.

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

make it a point of interest to know every word to a song that nobody likes. (i.e. call me maybe) >.>

Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

Stab myself on a daily basis

When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.