Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Only use the left earphone.

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Being fat

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Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

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Make calculations with house number. Eg: House nº 112 means house nº 4

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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Tap my fingers really rapidly when I'm annoyed, stressed out, fed up or angry.

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I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing.

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.