Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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I don't use my car air conditioning because I think it's wasteful and it might "run-out" when I'm REALLY, REALLY hot.

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I still hum songs that I made up when I was a little kid

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I cover the mirror on my bedroom door with a sheet at night, because I think the shadows casted in the mirror are gonna get me.

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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When in class , I move alot in my chair when my butt itches .

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.