turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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wipe all the water off my body (predrying myself) before i get out of the shower, and dry myself with the towel

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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I cover the mirror on my bedroom door with a sheet at night, because I think the shadows casted in the mirror are gonna get me.

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When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

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Find myself thinking a completely random meaningless sentence as I'm falling asleep with no idea how I got to that thought.

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Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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When in class , I move alot in my chair when my butt itches .

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.