cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Imagine flying things and epic battles when listening to music.

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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I probably am the only one who does this but I climb on my cat's cat tree to see what it's like to be a cat o.o

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Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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The older I get the more honest I get

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.