When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

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Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

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WHEN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE ON MY PHONE..DON’T SWIPE LEFT.DON’T SWIPE RIGHT.JUST LOOK. Via: Collection of Love WhatsApp Status

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I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

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when walking i always count how many steps i have taken as i go

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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that movie-like moment when you want to rush out to dance in the rain

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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Make up a song to yourself.

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When posting these, I'm rarely able to read the words/letters in the box that prove you're human and not some computer virus. Now I'm starting to think I'm not a human......

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

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Pretend I'm a back-up dancer or singing a duet with the singer of the song I'm listening to.

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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I hit the frig after sex

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.