shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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wipe all the water off my body (predrying myself) before i get out of the shower, and dry myself with the towel

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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If i read or see something good (on tv )the next time i daydream i am always some how involved in it

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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I cant ride a bike

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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Look in the fridge 10 times without eating anything

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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fap

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.