Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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I cant ride a bike

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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Look in the fridge 10 times without eating anything

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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fap

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.