after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Love to check my astrological compatibility with my favorite musicians.

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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I thought I was disgusting until I read the top voted things here. Floral: Actually pretty neat.

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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feel like your calculator is judging/making fun of you for looking up simple equations

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

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Pretend to listen to music, but just do it so nobody talks to me or i simply just ignore them.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.