I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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Listening to more obscure music in a public place and turning it up in hopes that someone will ask you what you're listening to and you can tell them about it/open their minds.

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Going to sleep during class thinking that you've written down all your notes, until you wake up and realize you did nothing.

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Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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Watched the woman in black then go to bed then suddenly a woman in black comes in my room oh wait it is just my mum saying good night

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When I was little I used to cover myself all the way up and put pillows around me, then ask my sister if she could see me, trying to be invisible when I sleep just in case someone breaks into my house at night.

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing.

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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I know how to Gleek on command. (Don't know what it is just look it up.)

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.