I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

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When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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i see things on this site and am secretly glad im not weird like everyone else

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I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

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Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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Feeling very uncomfortable for days, untill your motivation finally reaches that point when you start learning for the exam.

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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When reading some of the weirder things here, I somewhat worry some of these things people do might start happening to me just because I read about them.

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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I sometimes watch entire movies with the sound off and a good album playing.

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.