When sitting or laying down, tell yourself to get up in your head but see how long your body can resist your commands, and end up yelling at yourself to move in your head while still sitting/laying down.

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When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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when you've done everything you wanted to do on the internet and stop and just stare at the screen.

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I scratch and sniff.

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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I still hum songs that I made up when I was a little kid

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Rub a pen tip between my fingers.

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When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

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I cover the mirror on my bedroom door with a sheet at night, because I think the shadows casted in the mirror are gonna get me.

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Count how many steps there are in a stairwell I use often and then try to take it by same number each time... Eg if there are 16 then always go by twos and missing the others!?!?!?

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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Find myself thinking a completely random meaningless sentence as I'm falling asleep with no idea how I got to that thought.

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i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Link gross things with porn i.e: Think of really gross things (or friends or family) when fapping to really hot stuff ( the porn becomes ruined)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.