Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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judge a spider on it's ability to hide from me and decide to let it survive if I consider it a clever hiding place, then get paranoid because the spider was smart.

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I still put my thumb in my mouth, BUT only because I like the feel of putting my eye lashes under my fingernails and my thumb inconveniantly fits in my mouth. Now I know I'm the only person in the world who does this. I'm trying to drop the habit. But it feels so GOOD!

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

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go to the search engine suggestions and see what people found, then type them in to see if you get the same results

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think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Having the tv on always, just for background noise. Doesn't work with a computer/laptop, must be the tv.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

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Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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after brushing my teeth I chew on the granules that are on my teeth

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When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.