Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

thumb_up thumb_down

We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Refreshing captcha codes for five minutes straight until you find reasonably legible letters.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

get really freaked out when your in a parking lot and the car next to you starts backing up and you think your moving forward.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Feels my beard with my tongue.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

thumb_up thumb_down -24

having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

thumb_up thumb_down -66

I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

thumb_up thumb_down -66

i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

thumb_up thumb_down -66

I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

thumb_up thumb_down -116

You pretend to fight imaginary people while no ones looking:/ But you look like the star wars kid...

thumb_up thumb_down -122

Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Stab myself on a daily basis

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.