Pretend i'm a sim.

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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I like to turn the lights off in the bathroom, actually block every little bit of light I possibly can, then take a nice warm shower, curl up on the floor, block my ears and enjoy the warm water and sensory deprivation.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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get happy as sh*t when you remember your homework is do after your lunch period so you can do it then, but never end up doing it.

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when i wake up from a dream and it was an amazing dream. then i try to fall back asleep to have it again...it doesn't work

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I always feel as if someone is always watching me on a screen where ever I am, and every person in the world is also being watched as well

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When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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I doodle on everything I get that can be doodled on, even my exams :)

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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Try stick to something but fail in the end

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Refreshing captcha codes for five minutes straight until you find reasonably legible letters.

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.