Sleep with pillow between legs

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I know how to Gleek on command. (Don't know what it is just look it up.)

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in burgers, you eat until you have only a few bites left, then you eat the bun and then the insides

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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I scratch and sniff.

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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I mean Diana Ross.

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Pull your headphones away from your ear when you're listening to music to see if it's too loud.

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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I don't use my car air conditioning because I think it's wasteful and it might "run-out" when I'm REALLY, REALLY hot.

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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Whenever someone enters a pin number I always try to see how many number I can remember

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When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

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I probably am the only one who does this but I climb on my cat's cat tree to see what it's like to be a cat o.o

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When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.