I hold my breath in elevators

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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Use reverse psychology on the rain to make it slow down or speed up.

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whenever someone pulls up beside you in another car, you are fully aware of them, but never look at them, your too cool to care what they look like.

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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Having the tv on always, just for background noise. Doesn't work with a computer/laptop, must be the tv.

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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Think that my ice tastes different than my water.

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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When sitting or laying down, tell yourself to get up in your head but see how long your body can resist your commands, and end up yelling at yourself to move in your head while still sitting/laying down.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.