blink

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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When a tooth is very loose,i shake it with my tongue because that pain is relaxing.

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When the toilet paper falls to the floor, I quickly roll it again so nobody notices it.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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Try stick to something but fail in the end

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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Turn shower water all the way up hot before getting out because it feels good

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.