Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

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Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

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The older I get the more honest I get

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

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Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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Pretend I'm a back-up dancer or singing a duet with the singer of the song I'm listening to.

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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get happy as sh*t when you remember your homework is do after your lunch period so you can do it then, but never end up doing it.

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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You always go to the corner of the shower when the cold water is running.

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Sometimes after a long, hard day or when something bad happens I just sit down and cry in the shower.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.