Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

thumb_up thumb_down -11

When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

thumb_up thumb_down -19

When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Look at my poop before flushing

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Try to time the traffic light so that when I snap, my light turns green. Always so so close.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

take 2 coffes in 2 seconds cause dont remember the first coffee! o.O

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

acting as if you can shoot with a banana

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Whenever you make cereal, you eat exactly where you make it like on the table.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

thumb_up thumb_down -33

For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

I have an irrational fear of automatic flushing toilets.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.