My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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I have walked into a sliding glass door

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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I like to think I'm a Lion or cat.

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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When a tooth is very loose,i shake it with my tongue because that pain is relaxing.

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Dilikes the Gangnam Style.

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I always walk down the hall James Bond style. Gun out, along the wall, looking around corners before I walk into or by a room.

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When reading some of the weirder things here, I somewhat worry some of these things people do might start happening to me just because I read about them.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

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Pretend i'm a sim.

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

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When alone at home turn on all the lights before it gets darker.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.