We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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I don't read the terms of service.

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

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Every time you use a vending machine you hope you get lucky and 2 things drop down.

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

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Eating chicken at KFC.

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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Make calculations with house number. Eg: House nº 112 means house nº 4

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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Sometimes I pee sitting down and act like i'm a girl.

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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Sitting down in the shower

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Being fat

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.