in burgers, you eat until you have only a few bites left, then you eat the bun and then the insides

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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I sometime's wonder if other people can see and feel everything I can but are just in my body too judge me.

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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When I'm walking on pavement or tiles I always make patterns, e.g stepping on every second tile, stepping a certain amount of times on each bit of pavement

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sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

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I probably am the only one who does this but I climb on my cat's cat tree to see what it's like to be a cat o.o

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I hold my breath in elevators

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When I meet someone random, and have a small conversation, and then when they leave, I feel sad because I think I am never going to see them again.

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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Whenever I got hurt I used to just run like that would stop the pain

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.