Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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I pee in the sink so i don't have to aim

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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The older I get the more honest I get

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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Hate people who don't dress like you because they're not fashionable. Hate people who do dress like you because they threaten your individuality.

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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when i watch a movie, and a character in it gos underwater, i hold my breath with that person until that person gets above water, then i let go, either that, after the character comes up from the water, i still hold my breath until i cant take it anymore.

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Emmy Jackson Y U ALWAYS ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE SAY HI

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Learning a definition of a word and after that seeing it everywhere.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.