I wonder if elections are rigged?

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Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

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Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

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get a new *to you* car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

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When I meet someone random, and have a small conversation, and then when they leave, I feel sad because I think I am never going to see them again.

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i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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only read the short jokes on this website

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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Being fat

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Sitting down in the shower

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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Make calculations with house number. Eg: House nº 112 means house nº 4

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.