Whenever you make cereal, you eat exactly where you make it like on the table.

Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

I have to stop the Microwave on 0 but before it beeps or I'm not going to get what I want in life. OCD MUCH

Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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Close all the windows on my computer when parents walk in.

I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

Being fat

I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.