I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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TV turned on just so... Makes you not feeling alone or because some other unknown (or) irrational reason.And of course, feeling guilty cause you spending energy and money but still... Most of the time you just don't care.

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Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

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You always go to the corner of the shower when the cold water is running.

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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right click refresh on desktop. Repeat

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My bedroom is at the end of the house, so when I turn the light out and sprint to the lounge room, thinking Jeff the Killer could get me...

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

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I have a feeling that life is a Video Game for another Universe. When the player looks at their computer screen, they see what I see. They control everything I do. Like The Sims games. Everyone else is either other players in a multiplayer server, or they are are all fake, computer players.

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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Listening to romantic hollywood sad core and feeling depressed because your single.

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In the shower i let water run down my hands so it looks like i'm shooting water out of my fingers.

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

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brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

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Whenever you make cereal, you eat exactly where you make it like on the table.

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If i read or see something good (on tv )the next time i daydream i am always some how involved in it

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While in bed, I cover my head with my bed sheets because it makes me feel safe from monsters.

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Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.