try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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when you read a post that you don't do then start doing it

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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read on youtube comments with too unlikes

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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Get scared of the dark while in bed, so you make sure all limbs are tucked nice and tight under the covers. Once done, you now feel safe..

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <<

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Sometimes after a long, hard day or when something bad happens I just sit down and cry in the shower.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

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Do somthing only you do

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Tear up when I poop

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when i watch a movie, and a character in it gos underwater, i hold my breath with that person until that person gets above water, then i let go, either that, after the character comes up from the water, i still hold my breath until i cant take it anymore.

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Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.