I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

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I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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When I'm home alone at night I check around the corners to make sure there isn't anyone there

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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At any time of day, when i'm not busy, someone you know pops into your head and you start talking to them telepathically, but not for long, then you realise that youre just plain crazy? anyone?

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Drink alcohol out of styrofoam soda cups on the bus and train.

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blink

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

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sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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never push to hard on the railing of a tall building, just in case its loose and you end up falling off.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

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I look at this site and wonder if the thumbs up are all from people who actually do the same thing, or just people who like that or think it's a funny thing to do.

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Whenever I think of something creative or weird, I always wonder if someone thought of the same thing.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.