Feel the bed gets more comfortable the longer you put off getting into bed.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Hide important things in places at home but forget later where you hid them.

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If I see the same model of vehicle as mine in a parking lot, I get overly excited if I manage to get a parking spot next to it. Extra points for same color or type (i.e. quad cab vs regular cab).

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When I'm riding in the car, I'll spot a tree, make it my goal and try to beat the car on the opposite side of the road to it. (Seriously I don't think anyone else does this!)

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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Thinking about life as if its just a dream and wondeing if one day your just going to wake up and be like " wtf just happend".....

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

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Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

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getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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put your hands in your bra or pants to keep them warm when you're not in public.

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

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Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

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skipping back to the start of the guitar solo over and over so I can pretend I'm playing it

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I always walk down the hall James Bond style. Gun out, along the wall, looking around corners before I walk into or by a room.

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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I would try to make my pencil shavings as long as possible.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.