I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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When I use the bathroom at school, I keep the door open with the kickstand and use the stall. It's because I fear that one day, when I'm all alone in the bathroom with the door closed, the fire alarm will go off and scare the living crap out of me. This trick backfires when someone comes in without closing the door and uses the urinal.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

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Listening to romantic hollywood sad core and feeling depressed because your single.

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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I still put my thumb in my mouth, BUT only because I like the feel of putting my eye lashes under my fingernails and my thumb inconveniantly fits in my mouth. Now I know I'm the only person in the world who does this. I'm trying to drop the habit. But it feels so GOOD!

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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I used to eat bath bubbles

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

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Drink alcohol out of styrofoam soda cups on the bus and train.

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Hide important things in places at home but forget later where you hid them.

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.