in burgers, you eat until you have only a few bites left, then you eat the bun and then the insides

i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

I sometime's wonder if other people can see and feel everything I can but are just in my body too judge me.

Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

When I'm walking on pavement or tiles I always make patterns, e.g stepping on every second tile, stepping a certain amount of times on each bit of pavement

sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

I wonder if elections are rigged?

Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

I probably am the only one who does this but I climb on my cat's cat tree to see what it's like to be a cat o.o

I hold my breath in elevators

When I meet someone random, and have a small conversation, and then when they leave, I feel sad because I think I am never going to see them again.

when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

Whenever I got hurt I used to just run like that would stop the pain

When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.