Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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While I Am on the computer late at night, my Mum tells me to go to bed, I say I will in a second. I stay for a few more minutes, my mum tells me again, I do the same thing...

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fart then blame it on the guy next to me realizing theres no one near me and everyone looks at me....awkward

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I chew my ice cream.

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Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

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Read something strange and funny that you don't actually do, then say: "whaat?" And lough and everyone around you just look at you not knowing why you're talking to yourself an laughing.

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When I use the bathroom at school, I keep the door open with the kickstand and use the stall. It's because I fear that one day, when I'm all alone in the bathroom with the door closed, the fire alarm will go off and scare the living crap out of me. This trick backfires when someone comes in without closing the door and uses the urinal.

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At night, everytime when i walk past that curtain lampost, it goes off.

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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I never feel bored

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When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

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Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

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when making thing only you think you do you never read the terms of service

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.