turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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When it's as quiet as possible in the classroom in the middle of the period and everyone is silently doing their work.... I suddenly think of something REALLY funny and spend the next half hour awkwardly grinning trying my hardest not to burst out uncontrollably.

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Sometimes, for no real reason, I'll make strange or funny noises when no one is around.

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When I use the bathroom at school, I keep the door open with the kickstand and use the stall. It's because I fear that one day, when I'm all alone in the bathroom with the door closed, the fire alarm will go off and scare the living crap out of me. This trick backfires when someone comes in without closing the door and uses the urinal.

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after brushing my teeth I chew on the granules that are on my teeth

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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Make sure I put the deodorant top back on the correct way -- you know, so the sticker is to the front.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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I think some songs would be better if they didn't put a rap in with them

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Feel the bed gets more comfortable the longer you put off getting into bed.

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If i read or see something good (on tv )the next time i daydream i am always some how involved in it

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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If I see the same model of vehicle as mine in a parking lot, I get overly excited if I manage to get a parking spot next to it. Extra points for same color or type (i.e. quad cab vs regular cab).

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listen to madonnas new album

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.