I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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forget i left the light on somewhere in the house and when i see it on i think a ghost did it..

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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Pick your dead skin then eat it.

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skipping back to the start of the guitar solo over and over so I can pretend I'm playing it

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Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

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I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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humiliating little girls

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Be a loner at school

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.