Sometimes, for no real reason, I'll make strange or funny noises when no one is around.

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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after brushing my teeth I chew on the granules that are on my teeth

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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Learning a definition of a word and after that seeing it everywhere.

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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When playing a game you refer to the kid you don't know as "kid" - ar2

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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humiliating little girls

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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If i read or see something good (on tv )the next time i daydream i am always some how involved in it

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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I have won so many competitions online for things like being the 99, 999th visitor on the site

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.