sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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never push to hard on the railing of a tall building, just in case its loose and you end up falling off.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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I have to stop the Microwave on 0 but before it beeps or I'm not going to get what I want in life. OCD MUCH

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Kill Jb without getting aressted.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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Wondering if your life is a TV show, and people are watching what you do.

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Think that the person driving keeps staring at me when ever they look in the mirror and I'm sat in the back.

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When I use the bathroom at school, I keep the door open with the kickstand and use the stall. It's because I fear that one day, when I'm all alone in the bathroom with the door closed, the fire alarm will go off and scare the living crap out of me. This trick backfires when someone comes in without closing the door and uses the urinal.

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When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

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Multi task while your brushing your teeth and forget you have a tooth brush in your mouth.

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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I still put my thumb in my mouth, BUT only because I like the feel of putting my eye lashes under my fingernails and my thumb inconveniantly fits in my mouth. Now I know I'm the only person in the world who does this. I'm trying to drop the habit. But it feels so GOOD!

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

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The only time I seem to look at the clock is when the numbers read my birth date.

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Drink alcohol out of styrofoam soda cups on the bus and train.

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.