When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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skipping back to the start of the guitar solo over and over so I can pretend I'm playing it

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touching something (like a crack in a wall) and then thinking to yourself that your the only person thats ever touched it..

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I have the background on my computer a picture of some cartoon characters,and when I'm alone I talk to the screen like those characters are actually in the room. -Briarwoodninja

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strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

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Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

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When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

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after brushing my teeth I chew on the granules that are on my teeth

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

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When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

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Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.