Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

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Thinking about life as if its just a dream and wondeing if one day your just going to wake up and be like " wtf just happend".....

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

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Get soo scared in the shower when your home alone that you are scared to open the curtain just incase somebody is out tthere

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Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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A lot of times I believe things I see or things that happen are "signs" of something.

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I chew my ice cream.

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I always feel as if someone is always watching me on a screen where ever I am, and every person in the world is also being watched as well

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Mayada stupid

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.