Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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Whenever I got hurt I used to just run like that would stop the pain

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Link gross things with porn i.e: Think of really gross things (or friends or family) when fapping to really hot stuff ( the porn becomes ruined)

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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Being fat

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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Thinking about a situation someone else in the world might be in. For example, Someone dying and the pain they must be going through.

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.