I eat something and read book/newspaper/magazine at the same time. Then i take food crumbs off the book and eat them too.

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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Wondering if your life is a TV show, and people are watching what you do.

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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When walking around a slightly empty store, I walk around and pretend I'm a spy, trying not to be seen.

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get really freaked out when your in a parking lot and the car next to you starts backing up and you think your moving forward.

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Refreshing captcha codes for five minutes straight until you find reasonably legible letters.

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

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Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.