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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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Use a signature that automatically gets me hundreds of red thumbs... Yeah that moral crap...

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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Tip my couch over to dig for something I have lost and then end up finding a bunch of random crap.

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I know how to Gleek on command. (Don't know what it is just look it up.)

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I mean Diana Ross.

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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Imagining how it would feel to switch bodies with your crush

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Tear up when I poop

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Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

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I always try to play it cool and act like it’s no big deal. But I always have a mini anxiety attack before actually stepping onto a moving escalator. It is a task trying to time my step perfectly where my foot isn’t hanging off a step and I have to hurry my second foot on there isn’t an awdward space of steps between my feet. -Ikka

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.