When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

skipping back to the start of the guitar solo over and over so I can pretend I'm playing it

touching something (like a crack in a wall) and then thinking to yourself that your the only person thats ever touched it..

I have the background on my computer a picture of some cartoon characters,and when I'm alone I talk to the screen like those characters are actually in the room. -Briarwoodninja

strawberry flavored hemorrhoid cream

Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

When I'm home alone, I start hearing random noises and think someone is breaking in.

Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

after brushing my teeth I chew on the granules that are on my teeth

i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.