have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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Get annoyed when I click on the "popular" button and it's always the same things.

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fap

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getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

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sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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Take pieces of loose hair and keep it in a plastic bag in my wallet so if I ever get killed and my ID stolen, my body can still be identified.

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Watched the woman in black then go to bed then suddenly a woman in black comes in my room oh wait it is just my mum saying good night

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When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

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Love feet. like LOVE feet.

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I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

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Sometimes I wonder how food tastes when not drowned in ketchup.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.