Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing.

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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Air guitar to a song of how you think it would be on a Guitar Hero game.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Sniff or tap to a rhythm to some sort of beat I composed in my head...

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.