When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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I lift my butt when I'm farting

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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Get soo scared in the shower when your home alone that you are scared to open the curtain just incase somebody is out tthere

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

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Half of these posts are all but "things you think only you do". So is mine

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

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Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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When at someone else's house, trying to use the bathroom, keep a very close eye on the door just to make sure nobody's gonna walk in on you...

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Mares really turn me on, so I download "bad stuff" Ironically though, I worked at a farm last summer and realized there is nothing more disgusting than reality. Still mares turn me on... If on video.

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When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.