Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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Know almost every line from spongbob episodes.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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dip my fries in ice cream! sometimes in soda. It's good!

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.