Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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I cant ride a bike

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

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When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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When I'm watching a video on YouTube, I repeatedly click on the video slider section below the video because I feel uncomfortable not doing it, ever since I realized that you can't move to different parts of the video with your keyboard without clicking there first.

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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Smoking in the shower.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.