If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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When reading some of the weirder things here, I somewhat worry some of these things people do might start happening to me just because I read about them.

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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When it's as quiet as possible in the classroom in the middle of the period and everyone is silently doing their work.... I suddenly think of something REALLY funny and spend the next half hour awkwardly grinning trying my hardest not to burst out uncontrollably.

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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Sometimes, when I'm at work, I j3rk 0ff in the bathroom. Please tell me someone else has done this????

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.