What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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I **** with no hands.

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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Lightly touching your stomach or other body parts with your fingers to get that tickling sensation.

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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eat the muffin bottom because it isn't as good as the top and i want to get it over with

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

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Think that the person driving keeps staring at me when ever they look in the mirror and I'm sat in the back.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.