While I Am on the computer late at night, my Mum tells me to go to bed, I say I will in a second. I stay for a few more minutes, my mum tells me again, I do the same thing...

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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Only one tissue left in the box... I'll just use toilet paper.

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Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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when i wake up from a dream and it was an amazing dream. then i try to fall back asleep to have it again...it doesn't work

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!

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I scratch and sniff.

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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Whenever I go to close the door to my room, I give the wall opposite me a hard, intimidating stare just in case an invisible person was watching me.

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Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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Being in the car and wondering if your parents can read your mind so you think "If you can here me cough in 3, 2, 1..." Sometimes my dad actually does it and he looks back at me and smiles. .-.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.