I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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Whenever I got hurt I used to just run like that would stop the pain

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Whenever you make cereal, you eat exactly where you make it like on the table.

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Taking the time to lick all of the cream off of the inside of an Oreo.

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.