log out of any social network sites so that when im on a website it doesnt somehow send messages to my profile

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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I chew my ice cream.

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

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I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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When sitting or laying down, tell yourself to get up in your head but see how long your body can resist your commands, and end up yelling at yourself to move in your head while still sitting/laying down.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

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Pull your headphones away from your ear when you're listening to music to see if it's too loud.

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

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I randomly hold my boobs in my room.

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When you start wondering if you're in a dream and suddenly feel trapped

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freak out if poster or pictures eyes are looking at me and can't have pictures in my room of famous people, however if I'm out and scared i have to have the pictures on my phone look at me for safety.....really wondering if any one else has this

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.