- Things You Think Only You Do

Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

the power to regenerate your appendix

When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

Believing in the kindness of strangers

So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.