When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

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when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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When at Burger King, McDonalds etc. I always finish the drink before the food so that I still have the taste of the food in my mouth when I'm finished.

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When it's as quiet as possible in the classroom in the middle of the period and everyone is silently doing their work.... I suddenly think of something REALLY funny and spend the next half hour awkwardly grinning trying my hardest not to burst out uncontrollably.

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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I scratch and sniff.

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Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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Sometimes, when I'm at work, I j3rk 0ff in the bathroom. Please tell me someone else has done this????

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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Drink out the carton (your whole family prob does it)

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Sometimes I think that if we play with dolls, maybe we're just dolls that someone is playing with and creating lives for.

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When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

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Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

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I feel that getting a 98 on a test is better than getting a 99.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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When I see a post on this site with a single downvote I start to feel guilty and give the person an upvote because I feel sorry for them.

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Wonder what random strangers look like or noises and such they make while having sex. Everyone literally. People you interact with at work , customers, your boss, the married couple. Except for people who are like dirty looking af. Our just straight up ugly. Then your like grossed out by those thoughts your having and start getting that home sickfeeling in your stomach. Almost like butterflies but like dead ones or something. Hard to explain.

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Wanting to change your name to Peter Jankins

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after brushing my teeth I chew on the granules that are on my teeth

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.