Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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Kill Jb without getting aressted.

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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stare at someone then when they turn around look all around the room pretending you weren't looking at them

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when walking i always count how many steps i have taken as i go

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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Make up a song to yourself.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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I think any disasterous accidents will not happen to me.

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Put the towel near the shower so that you can stand on it and not get the floor wet

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

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Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

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Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.