When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

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I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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Whenever someone enters a pin number I always try to see how many number I can remember

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I wonder if elections are rigged?

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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I talk to inanimate objects daily.

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While in bed, I cover my head with my bed sheets because it makes me feel safe from monsters.

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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Use the toilet shower to wipe your a**, but denies the fact until death for your friends.

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.