Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

Flush the toilet before you finish peeing.

When you lie in bed and imagine scenarios that will never happen.

I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

You always go to the corner of the shower when the cold water is running.

freak out if poster or pictures eyes are looking at me and can't have pictures in my room of famous people, however if I'm out and scared i have to have the pictures on my phone look at me for safety.....really wondering if any one else has this

I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

I get more creeped out the more I read the comments here, especially as the comments start getting really low thumbs ups.

I still hum songs that I made up when I was a little kid

when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.