I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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wipe all the water off my body (predrying myself) before i get out of the shower, and dry myself with the towel

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Imagine flying things and epic battles when listening to music.

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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I don't use my car air conditioning because I think it's wasteful and it might "run-out" when I'm REALLY, REALLY hot.

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I still hum songs that I made up when I was a little kid

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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When in class , I move alot in my chair when my butt itches .

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.