I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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always get sports injuries, never get any attention from them

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I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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A lot of times I believe things I see or things that happen are "signs" of something.

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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wipe all the water off my body (predrying myself) before i get out of the shower, and dry myself with the towel

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Imagine flying things and epic battles when listening to music.

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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Taking your headphones/earbuds off a lot to see if your music is playing loudly. Or to see if other people could possibly hear it

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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When in class , I move alot in my chair when my butt itches .

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.