Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing.

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When you lie in bed and imagine scenarios that will never happen.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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You always go to the corner of the shower when the cold water is running.

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freak out if poster or pictures eyes are looking at me and can't have pictures in my room of famous people, however if I'm out and scared i have to have the pictures on my phone look at me for safety.....really wondering if any one else has this

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I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

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I get more creeped out the more I read the comments here, especially as the comments start getting really low thumbs ups.

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I still hum songs that I made up when I was a little kid

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.