I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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When I'm home alone at night I check around the corners to make sure there isn't anyone there

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When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

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Whenever I got hurt I used to just run like that would stop the pain

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Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

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I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

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Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

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I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

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in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.