I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

thumb_up thumb_down -111

Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

thumb_up thumb_down -115

Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Run faster down hotel corridors.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Go for a 10 mile run.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Become self-conscious and wonder if you were making faces while day dreaming during the middle of class.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

When posting these, I'm rarely able to read the words/letters in the box that prove you're human and not some computer virus. Now I'm starting to think I'm not a human......

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Read things from this page and think to self: "Thank God, I thought I was the only one."

thumb_up thumb_down +14

have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anytime I walk in anyplace with cracks in the ground (tiled floors, cement squares, etc.) I do my best to avoid stepping on cracks in fear of something happening if I do.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.