i masturbate with my feet

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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I play out romantic scenarios with myself when I'm alone. We're talking full-blown just straight up talking out loud- to myself, of course. It's not that I'm lonely or anything since I did this when I had a boyfriend anyway (just to clarify, it didn't end because of this XD.) I really just feel like doing it because it's really friggin' entertaining. If you've never done it, well... it's basically like being in a really crappy, low budget soap opera, with a plot that doesn't make any damn sense, staring you as every character and the audience. That's basically the only way I could describe it lol.

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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I was the real Stig...

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Put my hands together the 'other' way

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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When posting these, I'm rarely able to read the words/letters in the box that prove you're human and not some computer virus. Now I'm starting to think I'm not a human......

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check to see if post has any likes right after posting it. then have second thoughts about it.

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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Wondering if your life is a TV show, and people are watching what you do.

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A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

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When theres a car just like yours right next to your car in the parking lot you almoat always gravitate to that car instead. It's the worst when there people in the car and you keep trying to open it.

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Realized with 7 billion people, there is a chance that someone else on earth is doing exactly the same thing as me at any given time.

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.