- Things You Think Only You Do

When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

only read the short jokes on this website

Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

has a plastic bag full of plastic bags in your house

try to rip the top off an Oreo without messing up the cream and then if the cream comes out on both parts not wanting to eat the Oreo because its wrong.

Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

I strum my fingers on my other hand between the fingers on the other hand which is a fist to make a popping sound (Try it, it's really fun)

carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

Being fat

I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

I pee in the sink so i don't have to aim

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.