What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Kill Jb without getting aressted.

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I **** with no hands.

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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Feeling very uncomfortable for days, untill your motivation finally reaches that point when you start learning for the exam.

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I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

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Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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I like to watch lava lamps heat up

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When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.