I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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Get annoyed when I click on the "popular" button and it's always the same things.

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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I have memorized my drivers license registration number

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

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I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.