use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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I think Frozen is an overrated film

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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I have memorized my drivers license registration number

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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Inspect the shower, bath or toilet, then washing it until you believe it is suitable to use.

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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I like to turn the lights off in the bathroom, actually block every little bit of light I possibly can, then take a nice warm shower, curl up on the floor, block my ears and enjoy the warm water and sensory deprivation.

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Wondering what would happen if you did something super random or inappropriate in a group setting. :)

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.