- Things You Think Only You Do

feel like im being watched turn my head sideways and see someone suddenly look away.

Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

whenever someone pulls up beside you in another car, you are fully aware of them, but never look at them, your too cool to care what they look like.

When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

sometimes sigh sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.