It takes me a whole afternoon to write an important/professional email cause i keep thinking about what I should and should not write and it gets so stupidly difficult I take one hour breaks between every sentence.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Poking my self under the covers just to not falleth asleepeth (t -_-)zzzzzz

thumb_up thumb_down -13

When I drink out of a disposable coffee cup with a lid, the opening on the lid has be on the exact opposite side from the seam where the cup is glued to form the cylinder.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Wanting to change your name to Peter Jankins

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

When ever i hear music that i like i imagine im in a fight and i know martial arts with people i dont know

thumb_up thumb_down -25

I always try to play it cool and act like it’s no big deal. But I always have a mini anxiety attack before actually stepping onto a moving escalator. It is a task trying to time my step perfectly where my foot isn’t hanging off a step and I have to hurry my second foot on there isn’t an awdward space of steps between my feet. -Ikka

thumb_up thumb_down -25

I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

I used to eat bath bubbles

thumb_up thumb_down -25

I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

thumb_up thumb_down -27

For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

When I'm home alone at night I check around the corners to make sure there isn't anyone there

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

I cant ride a bike

thumb_up thumb_down -35

When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Drum on the chair between your legs and wonder if people think that you're playing with yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

thumb_up thumb_down -41

I lift my butt when I'm farting

thumb_up thumb_down -43

I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

thumb_up thumb_down -43

when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.