fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

I put the volume on my television so it is on any number divisible by five (5-10-15 etc. etc.)

When I'm home alone at night I check around the corners to make sure there isn't anyone there

When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

I cant ride a bike

Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

Blow into the shower head when I'm taking a shower to make what sounds like jet noises

see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.