Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Inspect the shower, bath or toilet, then washing it until you believe it is suitable to use.

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i masturbate with my feet

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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eat curry and don't complain about its spiciness ...if you're not white

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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make south park refferences every day

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

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Go for a 10 mile run.

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You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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get really freaked out when your in a parking lot and the car next to you starts backing up and you think your moving forward.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.