Feels my beard with my tongue.

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When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When ever i hear music that i like i imagine im in a fight and i know martial arts with people i dont know

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Count how many steps there are in a stairwell I use often and then try to take it by same number each time... Eg if there are 16 then always go by twos and missing the others!?!?!?

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I hold my breath in elevators

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Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

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Pulling the same faces as the character you are reading currently is.

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Whenever you make cereal, you eat exactly where you make it like on the table.

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When I'm drinking something, I slosh the glass back and forth a long with my head to try and get what I'm drinking into my mouth.

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Mouth words to people wearing headphones to try and get them to take them off.

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Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

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Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

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Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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When people are walking behind me I automatically think they are staring at my ass and get self-conscious.

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I have to stop the Microwave on 0 but before it beeps or I'm not going to get what I want in life. OCD MUCH

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I don't read the terms of service.

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Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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Link gross things with porn i.e: Think of really gross things (or friends or family) when fapping to really hot stuff ( the porn becomes ruined)

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Not vote up my own posts? I bet I'm among the few..

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Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.