Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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I eat something and read book/newspaper/magazine at the same time. Then i take food crumbs off the book and eat them too.

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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Whenever you make cereal, you eat exactly where you make it like on the table.

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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I use the internet to validate that weirdness is not actually weird at all.

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Look at my poo before I flush it.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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I get really annoyed by the constant audience laughter in some tv shows even when nothing funny is said

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Use a signature that automatically gets me hundreds of red thumbs... Yeah that moral crap...

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Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

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Think about breathing...

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.