When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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I don't care about who a celebrity dates or marries. Why should I?

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I pee on the bathroom sink everytime, because I am lazy to open the toilet, even when I visit other people, sorry friends and family =)

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I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

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I'm not bad looking and I don't fall into the beautiful category either but I really feel good about the way I look

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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When i get a back shiver. That's when i know something bad going to happen.

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When ever i hear music that i like i imagine im in a fight and i know martial arts with people i dont know

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Count how many steps there are in a stairwell I use often and then try to take it by same number each time... Eg if there are 16 then always go by twos and missing the others!?!?!?

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

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Pulling the same faces as the character you are reading currently is.

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I hold my breath in elevators

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Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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When I'm drinking something, I slosh the glass back and forth a long with my head to try and get what I'm drinking into my mouth.

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Mouth words to people wearing headphones to try and get them to take them off.

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Whenever you make cereal, you eat exactly where you make it like on the table.

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Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.