- Things You Think Only You Do

Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

sometimes sigh sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

k. everyone

trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

i masturbate with my feet

Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

I **** with no hands.

Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.