When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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I always have to watch the credits of a movie even, though everyone else has left the theatre and there are people cleaning up the seats, which makes me think, they think i'm crazy.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Wonder what random strangers look like or noises and such they make while having sex. Everyone literally. People you interact with at work , customers, your boss, the married couple. Except for people who are like dirty looking af. Our just straight up ugly. Then your like grossed out by those thoughts your having and start getting that home sickfeeling in your stomach. Almost like butterflies but like dead ones or something. Hard to explain.

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I don't know why but I really wish I can ride a bike or drive a car through a shopping mall.

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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Feels my beard with my tongue.

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I used to eat bath bubbles

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I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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Count how many steps there are in a stairwell I use often and then try to take it by same number each time... Eg if there are 16 then always go by twos and missing the others!?!?!?

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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I refuse to take dump with the shower curtain closed. I know someone's behind it...

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Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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When people are walking behind me I automatically think they are staring at my ass and get self-conscious.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.