Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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Sitting down in the shower

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Picking my nose.

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Take pieces of loose hair and keep it in a plastic bag in my wallet so if I ever get killed and my ID stolen, my body can still be identified.

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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I have to look at myself in multiple mirrors before I leave my apartment. Sometimes if I'm alone, I'll walk back and forth between 2 or 3 mirrors about 25 times before I'm content to leave.

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Love to check my astrological compatibility with my favorite musicians.

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I gotta get down of Friday

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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Make up a song to yourself.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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make it a point of interest to know every word to a song that nobody likes. (i.e. call me maybe) >.>

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Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

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feel like your calculator is judging/making fun of you for looking up simple equations

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A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.