Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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I have memorized my drivers license registration number

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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I like to turn the lights off in the bathroom, actually block every little bit of light I possibly can, then take a nice warm shower, curl up on the floor, block my ears and enjoy the warm water and sensory deprivation.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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I have a phobia of incest

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Go for a 10 mile run.

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.