- Things You Think Only You Do

Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

Drink alcohol out of styrofoam soda cups on the bus and train.

Turn shower water all the way up hot before getting out because it feels good

have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

has a plastic bag full of plastic bags in your house

I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

I lift my butt when I'm farting

whenever someone pulls up beside you in another car, you are fully aware of them, but never look at them, your too cool to care what they look like.

walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

sometimes sigh sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

k. everyone

trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

i masturbate with my feet

So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.