sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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When peeing at a urinal, move my stream back and forth the coat as much of the wall as I can.

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

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I always have to watch the credits of a movie even, though everyone else has left the theatre and there are people cleaning up the seats, which makes me think, they think i'm crazy.

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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Mouth words to people wearing headphones to try and get them to take them off.

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Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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When I'm drinking something, I slosh the glass back and forth a long with my head to try and get what I'm drinking into my mouth.

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When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

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I don't read the terms of service.

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Smoking in the shower.

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Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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try to rip the top off an Oreo without messing up the cream and then if the cream comes out on both parts not wanting to eat the Oreo because its wrong.

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not eating the ends of a hotdog.

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Drum on the chair between your legs and wonder if people think that you're playing with yourself.

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If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.