I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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After getting up from the grass, I use my foot to move the grass I was sitting on around so that there isn't a butt print in the grass.

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Learn how to say "I love you" in a different language, just to say it to the person you like and observe their dumbfounded expressions.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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Assume that on another planet or galaxy there are people just like humans that look exactly like me. Like an alternate universe.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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When posting these, I'm rarely able to read the words/letters in the box that prove you're human and not some computer virus. Now I'm starting to think I'm not a human......

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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Read this site's posts, think of something awesome to write but then forget it because you decided to read more and finish the page rather than write it immediately.

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Hate people who don't dress like you because they're not fashionable. Hate people who do dress like you because they threaten your individuality.

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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Thinking, "What is wrong with this generation"

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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i always think people can hear my thoughts.

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Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

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Thinking epic thoughts like "Man, had a great workout today" just in case someone is reading my mind.

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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When you start wondering if you're in a dream and suddenly feel trapped

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Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

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get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.