- Things You Think Only You Do

Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

Taking your headphones/earbuds off a lot to see if your music is playing loudly. Or to see if other people could possibly hear it

Guessing on those annoying Captcha things and then getting unnecessarily angry when it tells you you're wrong.

Sleep in your jeans because you think it feels comfortable in the morning.

Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

I always have to remake my bed right before going to sleep in it

When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

Set multiple alarms to wake me up in the morning so I dont just turn it off and fall back asleep

I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

Constantly looking up at a Facebook tab while on another tab to see if you have any notifications or messages.

Wonder what random strangers look like or noises and such they make while having sex. Everyone literally. People you interact with at work , customers, your boss, the married couple. Except for people who are like dirty looking af. Our just straight up ugly. Then your like grossed out by those thoughts your having and start getting that home sickfeeling in your stomach. Almost like butterflies but like dead ones or something. Hard to explain.

if your listening to music, move the volume up and down to experience the bass a lil better

I chuckle whenever I hear the phase "Stark raving mad." I don't know why.

Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

acting as if you can shoot with a banana

The volume level on my TV has to be either an even number or a multiple of five.

Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

use tweezers to pull out leg hair or armpit hair out of sheer boredom.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.