HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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When a tooth is very loose,i shake it with my tongue because that pain is relaxing.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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Playing a sad song that talks about your current situation and then looking in the mirror or out the window pretending you are in a sad music video.

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.