I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

thumb_up thumb_down -111

I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

thumb_up thumb_down -115

when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

thumb_up thumb_down -119

I like to watch lava lamps heat up

thumb_up thumb_down -127

If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

thumb_up thumb_down +88

Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Run faster down hotel corridors.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Become self-conscious and wonder if you were making faces while day dreaming during the middle of class.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

While at the movies, grab and eat your popcorn with your tongue and pretend you are a lizard.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

thumb_up thumb_down +18

When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

thumb_up thumb_down +8

browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

When sitting or laying down, tell yourself to get up in your head but see how long your body can resist your commands, and end up yelling at yourself to move in your head while still sitting/laying down.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.