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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.
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-32
When I'm drinking something, I slosh the glass back and forth a long with my head to try and get what I'm drinking into my mouth.
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-34
Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.
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-34
Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.
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-36
I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.
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-42
Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.
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-42
Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...
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-42
I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.
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-44
When you had a crush on a girl in elementary school, then don't see her in middle school and think of how much of a bitch she was. Then You start crushing on her again in high school.
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-46
whenever someone pulls up beside you in another car, you are fully aware of them, but never look at them, your too cool to care what they look like.
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-46
When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million
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-46
Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie
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-48
Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!
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-48
Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.
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-50
Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.
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-52
Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.
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-54
Only use the left earphone.
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-54
trying to piss after masturbation hurts.
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-54
while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.
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-56
poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night
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-56
trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.
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-60
start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.
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-60
Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with
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-62
When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead
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-64
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Things You Think Only You Do
A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.