A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

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feel like your calculator is judging/making fun of you for looking up simple equations

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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Pretend I'm a back-up dancer or singing a duet with the singer of the song I'm listening to.

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Anytime I walk in anyplace with cracks in the ground (tiled floors, cement squares, etc.) I do my best to avoid stepping on cracks in fear of something happening if I do.

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Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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I know how to Gleek on command. (Don't know what it is just look it up.)

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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A lot of times I believe things I see or things that happen are "signs" of something.

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Sleep with pillow between legs

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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When you start wondering if you're in a dream and suddenly feel trapped

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.