I hold my breath in elevators

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

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turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

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When I'm watching a video on YouTube, I repeatedly click on the video slider section below the video because I feel uncomfortable not doing it, ever since I realized that you can't move to different parts of the video with your keyboard without clicking there first.

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I don't read the terms of service.

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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Smoking in the shower.

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You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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try to rip the top off an Oreo without messing up the cream and then if the cream comes out on both parts not wanting to eat the Oreo because its wrong.

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.