- Things You Think Only You Do

When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

When I'm drinking something, I slosh the glass back and forth a long with my head to try and get what I'm drinking into my mouth.

Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

When you had a crush on a girl in elementary school, then don't see her in middle school and think of how much of a bitch she was. Then You start crushing on her again in high school.

whenever someone pulls up beside you in another car, you are fully aware of them, but never look at them, your too cool to care what they look like.

When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

Only use the left earphone.

trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.