- Things You Think Only You Do

Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

You feel compelled to stab someone in the face... But you don't since you know its wrong. Instead you play violent video games to get it off your mind.

I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

You think someone is reading your mind and hurriedly change what your thinking to something normal

Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

Only use the left earphone.

Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

When I blow my nose I think I'm blowing my brains out and certain parts of things I learned at school are going into the tissue and will be forgotten forever.

Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.