....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Thinking about what is nothing and other deep shit when trying to fall asleep.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

thumb_up thumb_down -83

I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

thumb_up thumb_down -101

Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

thumb_up thumb_down -105

Sometimes when my teacher calls on me in class I imagine myself saying F**** you and then having the whole class look at me in disbelief

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Make sudden movements in the mirror to try and catch out my reflection.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

pull out a flies wings and let it go

thumb_up thumb_down -2

When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Imagine flying things and epic battles when listening to music.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

brush the dandruff from my eyebrows

thumb_up thumb_down -10

hover over public toilets and end up leaving a sprinkling of pee that lands uniformly all over on the seat then use a big wad of TP and my foot to wipe down the seat.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

When I dont feel like sweeping I sweep the stuff under the fridge or something

thumb_up thumb_down -22

I wonder if elections are rigged?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Realizing that I can just yell out the word "Fuck!" and no one can stop me.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

thumb_up thumb_down -60

I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

thumb_up thumb_down -62

rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

I HATE minecraft gift codes and the morons who post about them. I wish those morons would get off my planet.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

thumb_up thumb_down -74

I can't piss with my shoes on.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.