I still hum songs that I made up when I was a little kid

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When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

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I thought the 2013 film Frozen could have gone longer

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

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Find myself thinking a completely random meaningless sentence as I'm falling asleep with no idea how I got to that thought.

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Whenever I got hurt I used to just run like that would stop the pain

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

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Smoking in the shower.

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Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

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in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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No ones home. Go to youtube and do karaoke. Can the neighbors here me? Guess im not talking to them ever again...

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.