try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Picking my nose.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

thumb_up thumb_down -62

I like to turn the lights off in the bathroom, actually block every little bit of light I possibly can, then take a nice warm shower, curl up on the floor, block my ears and enjoy the warm water and sensory deprivation.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Being fat

thumb_up thumb_down -64

So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

make south park refferences every day

thumb_up thumb_down -66

All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

thumb_up thumb_down -70

read on youtube comments with too unlikes

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Laying in bed at a friends place with your eyes closed imaging where you would end up if you got up and went to the toilet as if it was your own house.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

thumb_up thumb_down -88

Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -90

Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

thumb_up thumb_down -126

The older I get the more honest I get

thumb_up thumb_down +59

When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Playing a sad song that talks about your current situation and then looking in the mirror or out the window pretending you are in a sad music video.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.