- Things You Think Only You Do

My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

I hold my breath in elevators

Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

when your doing something or going somewhere you think didn't I already do this, like your back in time.

When I'm riding in the car, I'll spot a tree, make it my goal and try to beat the car on the opposite side of the road to it. (Seriously I don't think anyone else does this!)

Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

pretend your on the phone talking to someone to make you look like you not a loner

think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

Sometimes I would just be thinking to myself and then think of something funny and laugh but I don't share it with anyone else makes me look insane.

I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

Pick your dead skin then eat it.

Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

Run faster down hotel corridors.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.