Pretend i'm a sim.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Point your finger to the sky when your favorite song comes on in the club or the radio

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

I hate being called "buddy".

thumb_up thumb_down -49

i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

thumb_up thumb_down -81

Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

When your talking to a hot girl and then picture her naked with you in bed but then stop thinking about that because you think she can read your mind

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Keep trying to defend your point even after you've realized you're wrong in an argument

thumb_up thumb_down +12

i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

thumb_up thumb_down -8

get really freaked out when your in a parking lot and the car next to you starts backing up and you think your moving forward.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Refreshing captcha codes for five minutes straight until you find reasonably legible letters.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

When I find a new song I like, I listen to it over and over and over; >>Until I run that sh*t into the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

When I'm riding in the car, I'll spot a tree, make it my goal and try to beat the car on the opposite side of the road to it. (Seriously I don't think anyone else does this!)

thumb_up thumb_down -44

I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

thumb_up thumb_down -88

When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.