fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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Say something in my head, but then wonder if i said it out loud and just didn't realize.

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When you look at the sidewalk and try to step on the boxes instead of the lines, and feel like you need to do it a number of times per leg to make it even.

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I sometimes watch entire movies with the sound off and a good album playing.

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A lot of times I believe things I see or things that happen are "signs" of something.

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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Watch 30 seconds of a commercial break only to realize it's dvr'd and I could be fast forwarding it.

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I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

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when i talk to someone, and the one where i am talking with is saying a sentence very fast, am going to repeat the whole sentence in my head and then it sounds really weird.

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Freak out at sudden noises when home alone at night.

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Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

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filling your mouth with water in the shower and spitting it at the wall.

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

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Make up a song to yourself.

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check to see if post has any likes right after posting it. then have second thoughts about it.

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I sometime's wonder if other people can see and feel everything I can but are just in my body too judge me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.