Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

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when you read a post that you don't do then start doing it

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Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

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when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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Sometimes I blink and act like I am taking a picture with my eyes.

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When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

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Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Kill Jb without getting aressted.

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get happy as sh*t when you remember your homework is do after your lunch period so you can do it then, but never end up doing it.

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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I used to eat bath bubbles

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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When I'm drinking something, I slosh the glass back and forth a long with my head to try and get what I'm drinking into my mouth.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.