I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

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After eating a banana I leave the last bit that was in the bottom

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I always feel as if someone is always watching me on a screen where ever I am, and every person in the world is also being watched as well

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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I chew my ice cream.

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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Try stick to something but fail in the end

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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Keep things on my body equal. ex. Hold something in my right hand so I hold something equally heavy in my left hand.

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

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Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.