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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Whenever I think of something creative or weird, I always wonder if someone thought of the same thing.

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Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

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check to see if post has any likes right after posting it. then have second thoughts about it.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

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You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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Go to bed with my left nostril clogged, wake up with my right nostril clogged.

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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log out of any social network sites so that when im on a website it doesnt somehow send messages to my profile

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.