I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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Rub a pen tip between my fingers.

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get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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I randomly hold my boobs in my room.

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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I stick used soap to a new soap so I don't waste it.

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Sometimes at a red light, I like to look at the person driving next to me and if they look towards me I quickly turn around and pretend I wasn't looking at them.

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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the power to regenerate your appendix

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I cant ride a bike

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.