When people are walking behind me I automatically think they are staring at my ass and get self-conscious.

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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in the morning when you wake up and take a shower you make weird faces to stretch out and "warm up" your face for the day

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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i masturbate with my feet

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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The older I get the more honest I get

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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When reading some of the weirder things here, I somewhat worry some of these things people do might start happening to me just because I read about them.

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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I never take drinks into smelly places, out of fear that the smell will somehow get into my drink and contaminate the taste.

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You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

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When it's as quiet as possible in the classroom in the middle of the period and everyone is silently doing their work.... I suddenly think of something REALLY funny and spend the next half hour awkwardly grinning trying my hardest not to burst out uncontrollably.

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hover over public toilets and end up leaving a sprinkling of pee that lands uniformly all over on the seat then use a big wad of TP and my foot to wipe down the seat.

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I pee on the bathroom sink everytime, because I am lazy to open the toilet, even when I visit other people, sorry friends and family =)

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.