while I am sitting on the toilet I play with it and waste the toilet paper and of course i just keep flushing it

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get annoyed when the pop-up lid on the dish soap bottle is left up

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I think about other women when having sex

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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fall asleep in the shower.

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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If i've been thinking about a particular person a lot, afterwards if people are telling a story or describing a scenario, I always picture the person I was thinking of before as the person as the main character in their story/scenario.

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Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

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Make up a song to yourself.

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Tells a joke only you thought was funny and still laughs then laughs harder because your the only one laughing nikki

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Sometimes I'll think about something that's so weird nobody would ever do it, and then i figure there's a big chance somebody did it at least once in history.

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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Have to have a certain light in the bathroom to poop. Also, nobody can be anywhere near me.

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Having the TV turned on when using my laptop or else the silence will make me feel like someone is in my house trying to kill me.

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I scratch and sniff.

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.