Text random people saying I'm pregnant

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You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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Not likeing something someone posted because you have a secret crush on them and you don't want them to think you check there Facebook too much.

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Whenever i do something bad to someone I can't stop smiling even though i never wanted to smile in the first place and i feel like people think I'm a terrible person

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When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

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in burgers, you eat until you have only a few bites left, then you eat the bun and then the insides

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Sometimes, for no real reason, I'll make strange or funny noises when no one is around.

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Air guitar to a song of how you think it would be on a Guitar Hero game.

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

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When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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When I'm walking on pavement or tiles I always make patterns, e.g stepping on every second tile, stepping a certain amount of times on each bit of pavement

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

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i wonder why someone decided to spell words unusually for example why couldn't because be spelt becuz the way it sounds?!

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.