- Things You Think Only You Do

I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

When you're chatting with a friend while you're walking around and not really paying attention then you turn around to took at your friend and you realise you've been talking to someone you don't even know the entire time.

jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

Ur mum

get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

I rehearse arguments in my head.

fap

when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

Show all your friends this website to prove your not as strange as they think you are.

Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! end of special message just for you

Sitting down in the shower

Love feet. like LOVE feet.

Believing in the kindness of strangers

Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

I have autofocus in my eyes.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.