whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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I like to think I'm a Lion or cat.

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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Think that everything you do is life is being recorded by secret cameras and you're on a reality show. But you don't actually know. The Truman Show. -Robert

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Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

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Take pieces of loose hair and keep it in a plastic bag in my wallet so if I ever get killed and my ID stolen, my body can still be identified.

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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when walking i always count how many steps i have taken as i go

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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stare at someone then when they turn around look all around the room pretending you weren't looking at them

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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I like to watch lava lamps heat up

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.