when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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Make odd grunting noises and sighs of relief while going #2.

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When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

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Feeling self conscious about breathing to loudly

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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I still put my thumb in my mouth, BUT only because I like the feel of putting my eye lashes under my fingernails and my thumb inconveniantly fits in my mouth. Now I know I'm the only person in the world who does this. I'm trying to drop the habit. But it feels so GOOD!

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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While in bed, I cover my head with my bed sheets because it makes me feel safe from monsters.

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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When I'm watching a video on YouTube, I repeatedly click on the video slider section below the video because I feel uncomfortable not doing it, ever since I realized that you can't move to different parts of the video with your keyboard without clicking there first.

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

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Think it's awesome when I look at a clock and it reads the same numbers that my address starts with.

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Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

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I hold my breath in elevators

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.