When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

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i talk to myself in the mirror just to see how i look when im talking to somebody else, i even practice faces and my laugh (i should get a life)

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Bored. Open refrigerator. Nothing to eat. Open it again five minutes later.

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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try to rip the top off an Oreo without messing up the cream and then if the cream comes out on both parts not wanting to eat the Oreo because its wrong.

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has a plastic bag full of plastic bags in your house

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Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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Being fat

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.