have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

thumb_up thumb_down -39

I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

thumb_up thumb_down -45

I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

thumb_up thumb_down -47

I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Feel really paranoid until my game score is a multiple of 5

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Watched the woman in black then go to bed then suddenly a woman in black comes in my room oh wait it is just my mum saying good night

thumb_up thumb_down -61

When I'm listening to a sad song that relates to my life while I'm walking all alone, I mouth the words and pretend I'm in a music video.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

thumb_up thumb_down -71

stare at someone then when they turn around look all around the room pretending you weren't looking at them

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

thumb_up thumb_down -109

masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Wondering if your life is a TV show, and people are watching what you do.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

thumb_up thumb_down +22

When i was a kid. I really dont care about the story of any animated film. As long as im watching it.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

When the T.V switches to commercial sometimes I forget what I was watching Noel

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Love the natural smell of my dog's paws.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

thumb_up thumb_down +2

I know how to Gleek on command. (Don't know what it is just look it up.)

thumb_up thumb_down +2

look for old friends on facebook to see what they are up to now

thumb_up thumb_down

thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.