Unable to be near my cat without petting her or talking to her.

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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only read the short jokes on this website

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sitting in the passenger seat of the car, move my head around gently to guide a piece of dirt on the window in the foreground around the obstacle course of trees, streetlights etc in the background. Also, imagine my eyes are projecting lasers which cut through anything and carve the passing world up to my design.

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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Eat everything inside my burgers first then i eat the buns.

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listen to madonnas new album

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I just saw the D in Disney for the first time ever. My brain always saw a backwards G. I knew it was supposed to be a D, I just never bothered to fix it. There has been a G there my whole life.

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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Whenever I pull a long hair from my vagina or butt, it feels good.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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Somethings thinking: O God, I love this world.

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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Get annoyed when I click on the "popular" button and it's always the same things.

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Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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When I was little I used to cover myself all the way up and put pillows around me, then ask my sister if she could see me, trying to be invisible when I sleep just in case someone breaks into my house at night.

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When a tooth is very loose,i shake it with my tongue because that pain is relaxing.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.