When I hear something that I could make a great comeback to (if it was directed towards me), I saw it under my breath just to feel full fiilled

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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LOG OFF OF ICHAT BECAUSE THE PERSON U WERE JUST TALKING TO WENT OFFLINE.

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No ones home. Go to youtube and do karaoke. Can the neighbors here me? Guess im not talking to them ever again...

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Courtesy flush.

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Thinking about a situation someone else in the world might be in. For example, Someone dying and the pain they must be going through.

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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I hate when my mom hangs my underwear on the clothesline outside.

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

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When a tooth is very loose,i shake it with my tongue because that pain is relaxing.

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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putting your hand in the water in the back of the toilet and thinking its gross toilet water and get grossed out

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I like to watch lava lamps heat up

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.