When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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Constantly refresh your email page even though you know nothing will appear.

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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When the T.V switches to commercial sometimes I forget what I was watching Noel

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get happy as sh*t when you remember your homework is do after your lunch period so you can do it then, but never end up doing it.

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I piss in the bed every night

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When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

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When bored in School, I like to imagine what I would do at that exact moment if a Zombie Apocalypse started.

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Feeling stupid when you're watching a funny movie and you laugh by yourself. So you look around and stop laughing.

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browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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When sitting or laying down, tell yourself to get up in your head but see how long your body can resist your commands, and end up yelling at yourself to move in your head while still sitting/laying down.

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I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

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Trying to figure out what form of suicide would hurt the least.

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right click refresh on desktop. Repeat

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!

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Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

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I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

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when you've done everything you wanted to do on the internet and stop and just stare at the screen.

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.