I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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pretend you have a fishing pole and are reeling in cars to pass them when your in the passengers seat going down the freeway.

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Hthe temptation to go up on the roof but when u get to where u go out get freaked and run away

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Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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Feeling sorry for inanimate objects

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i can't watch the t.v. unless the volume ends in a 0 or 5

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Try to think of something nice then thinks of then scariest things.

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When I'm around people, I sometimes yell in my head "STOP READING MY MIND! I KNOW YOU'RE DOING IT, SO STOP!" just in case.

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When ever i watch a movie with my parents i hope to god there is no nudity or awkward sex talk

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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Ur mum

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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recycle the peanuts in my poop to make organic peanut butter

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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Rubbing the corners of your lips on the side of your hand and smelling it.

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Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

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sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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put your hands in your bra or pants to keep them warm when you're not in public.

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Constantly refreshing the Captcha for fear that It'll be wrong and I have to redo everything I did.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.