thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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Try to do things while waiting for the microwave.

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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Sometimes when I'm excitedly hurrying out of the house, I skip for a brief moment.

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When I'm walking on pavement or tiles I always make patterns, e.g stepping on every second tile, stepping a certain amount of times on each bit of pavement

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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Open my mouth while doing my mascara... it's impossible not to!!!

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When two people in my house are arguing, I stay in my room to avoid awkwardly interrupting them and being dragged into it.

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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When I drink out of a disposable coffee cup with a lid, the opening on the lid has be on the exact opposite side from the seam where the cup is glued to form the cylinder.

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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Playing hide-and-seek and finding the best spot ever, only to realize you have to pee

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Toss something across the room toward the place it belongs, get excited when it lands upright/ perfectly in place, then immediately regret you weren't recording it.

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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Accidently send an empty text or text multiple people and send wrong text to wrong person

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I used to eat bath bubbles

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When I meet someone random, and have a small conversation, and then when they leave, I feel sad because I think I am never going to see them again.

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When I'm drinking something, I slosh the glass back and forth a long with my head to try and get what I'm drinking into my mouth.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.