Thinking about life as if its just a dream and wondeing if one day your just going to wake up and be like " wtf just happend".....

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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Being fat

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When I go to the shops I like to park my car next to a specific coloured car so I can find it afterwards.

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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I sleep in my underpants every single night

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I piss in the bed every night

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Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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Sometimes I think of doing really bad things and smirk, only to later regret even thinking of it and start questioning myself while feeling bad about it.

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After eating a banana I leave the last bit that was in the bottom

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in burgers, you eat until you have only a few bites left, then you eat the bun and then the insides

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Imagining how it would feel to switch bodies with your crush

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Tear up when I poop

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Try stick to something but fail in the end

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

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Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.