(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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I wake up right before the "sexy" part happens...

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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Whenever I think of something creative or weird, I always wonder if someone thought of the same thing.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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Tells a joke only you thought was funny and still laughs then laughs harder because your the only one laughing nikki

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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When you lie in bed and imagine scenarios that will never happen.

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When someone starts waving and saying hi then I start waving and saying hi even though I have no idea who it is only to realize they are actually waving at someone behind me.

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Glance at your friend beside you, smile to yourself, and think, "I could murder them."

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Get scared of the dark while in bed, so you make sure all limbs are tucked nice and tight under the covers. Once done, you now feel safe..

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.