Smoking in the shower.

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I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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Eat everything inside my burgers first then i eat the buns.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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Stand on the first floor and look up through the 2nd story railing just to look up women's skirts.

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when im in the toilet and invent something in my mind and dont have a pen and paper to wright my invention and when im done i forget about it...

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

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You feel like someone can read your mind so you try not to think about stupid stuff.

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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Use an entirely different vocabulary in your head than everyday life.

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When i think about something hilarious that happened previously and laugh about it days later at the most innappropriate time.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

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Believing in the kindness of strangers

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.